Make up of The Brass Band
The modern brass band consists of:
Eb Soprano cornet Too loud, usually out of tune. Convinced he has the most difficult part in the band
Principal cornet Conceited – uses too much vibrato
Second man down or bumper upper Either thinks he would make a better principal, or hero-worships the principal
Third man down Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse
Fourth man down Like third man down, only louder and thicker
Repiano cornet Waiting for a chance to play principal
2nd cornets Hesitant, out of tune, but can play a bottom C
3rd cornets Loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G
Flugelhorn Plays flat. Can’t decide whether to be a cornet or a horn
Solo horn Usually a girlie – irrespective of whether a male or female player
Tenor horns Can play a unison tone in tune if one of them is dead
1st Baritone Useless player, out of tune all the time
2nd Baritone Even worse player. Only there to show what the first baritone could do if he tried
2 Euphoniums Show-off and trainee show-off
1st trombone Steam driven. Rasps most of the time
2nd trombone Sloppy player, but can rasp even at pianissimo
Bass trombone Chainsaw with vibrato
Eb basses Look like two drunken farts
Bb basses Sound like two drunken farts
Percussion Have lots of noisy toys which must be used in the most inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm
Conductor So devoid of musical ability that he thinks the above mix sounds good
Written by Ian McKenzie on April 23rd, 2006 with
no comments.
Read more articles on Humour.
- [+] Digg: Feature this article
- [+] Del.icio.us: Bookmark this article
- [+] Furl: Bookmark this article
